The Boyfriend of the Week

September 20, 1999

One of the greatest things about having cable television is that every old show you used to love when it was on years and years ago eventually shows up somewhere on some channel at some time. Case in point: I have, for the last 3 straight weeks, been taping Picket Fences off the FX channel every morning at 9am and then watching it when I get home in the evenings. I used to LOVE that show -- it's got a terrific set of extremely remarkably quirky characters (something I appreciate but most other American tv viewers seem not to). And, even more importantly, it's got this week's Boyfriend, Tom Skerritt. (That's 2 t's and 2 r's, people).

Tom Skerritt has long been a favorite of mine. There's just something about his slightly-scruffy look, slightly-scruffy voice, and slightly-scruffy demeanor. It's sexy. But he hasn't been in a lot of really terrific stuff, which just goes to show you how completely unfair the world really is. Picket Fences is really the only thing I've seen him in that I thought was really up to the standards I would apply for a Tom Skerritt production. But, of course, nobody ever asks me, least of all the people who most need to. Tom was in a tv movie this year with ex-Boyfriend Kevin Anderson, for example, that just looked gaaaaawd-awful ("The Search for the Unicorn Killer"). If either of them had had the brains to ask me, I would've told them to hold out for something a little better. A little less made-for-tv-movie.

I like those Aleve commercials, though.

Anyway, rumor has it Tom Skerritt (and son, who is supposed to be rather dreamy as well) live somewhere around here. I even heard once that they lived in BALLARD, which would've been cool except I don't think it's really true. They don't look like the lutefisk type, though we do have quite a lovely view of the water from here. It's probably unlikely, even if they did live in my neighborhood, that I would ever cross paths with either one of them, but if I did, what I would say to Tom is this:

"So, you doin' anything this Saturday night?"

No, I'm just kidding. What I would really say is, "Tom, it's time you take a stand for your career. No more bit parts in great movies like 'Smoke Signals.' I want to see you move up in this world, my friend! Maybe it's time to force your way back into a David E. Kelley television show. Or something ruggedly outdoorsy. Anything, Tom! But, for the love'a Pete, you must must MUST stay away from the horror movie sequels ('Poltergeist III'? What were you thinking?) and made-for-tv dramas!"

Actually, I see from the IMDB page on Tom that he's in a movie coming out in 2000, called "Texas Rangers" that is described as a "Western" and also stars ex-Boyfriend James van der Beek. EXCELLENT choice, Tommy! Westerns are PERFECT for you (indeed, for everyone!). I have hope! I have faith! I have joy! I have a picture of Tom in chaps running through my head right now! Yee-haw! Git along!

By the way, if anyone can explain the mysterious "Sometimes credited as M. Borman" part to me, I'd appreciate that. M. Borman? Where'd THAT come from? (Confused? That means you didn't follow the link to the IMDB page. Slacker.)

Also, I'd appreciate it if nobody did the math regarding Tom's age (born in '33 -- land sakes!). I don't want to know. He's old; no, REAL old. And that's as specific as I want to get on this one. Think too much about it and I'll start thinking he's too much of a risk. You know, I try to avoid falling too hard for people who qualify as "elderly" -- not that I have anything against elderly people (indeed, I aspire to be one of them someday myself, a joke I believe I've told here before). But it's dangerous. It's a gamble. You invest a lot of time in the relationship only to have them die of natural causes before you get to your own golden years. THEN look where you are! Plus, you run the risk of having the whole Skerritt family refer to you as "that damn golddigger." Too depressing.

Age aside (and I'm allowed to do that because this is make-believe), Tom would be the perfect boyfriend for me. I'm good with the scruffy/moody types. Especially when they're cute to boot. If you're really in Ballard, Tom, look me up! I frequent the Viking Tavern (God ol!) on weekends.

MacGyver Factor Score: 94.7%. While I like scruffy, I sort of have a thing against mustaches. I mean, it's possible I could get over that though. . . You know, if I met the right mustache.


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