April 26, 2000
This week's Boyfriend is maybe just a little unconventional. Because, uh, he is a puppet. A sock puppet, in fact. Normally, I try not to develop crushes on anything made out of socks (I think it's a good rule to follow, usually), but, as with most rules, there are times when you gotta break free and go with your heart.
And that's why I love the sock puppet.
Sock Puppet, as you may or may not know, is the star of the Pets.com commercials on tv. These commercials feature SP in all kinds of situations (key trait: versatility). In one, for example, he scolds his driver for lifting a bag of heavy dog food incorrectly (I do that too! I mean, scold people for lifting incorrectly, not carry around dog food. My dog doesn't eat dog food. That is because my dog is actually a cat.) In another commercial, he is trying desperately to get a cat to open the door to an apartment building so he can deliver his gifts to the pets inside (key trait: unconditional love for animals). And then there was the Christmas one, when he sees the stockings hung by the fireplace and cries, "Look what they did to socks!!. . .The horror. . ." (key trait: Brando-style acting ability).
Acting talents aside, he's also just darn cute. I love his eyes and the sound of his voice, which always makes me laugh. And I love that he works for Pets.com, which is a web site I use a lot to learn about my own pet (Lucky). It's been very useful, considering the fact I knew pretty much nuthin' about cats when I got her and now know almost as much as SP himself (key trait: can teach me things).
Pets.com also sells tee-shirts, hats, and watches with SP on them (I have a tee-shirt. I wear it to bed so I can fall asleep with SP sitting right over my heart. So romantic!). If you buy one, part of your money goes to a charity that takes care of animals (key traits: philanthropy, generosity, sense of civic responsibility).
So, yeah, he's a puppet. But sometimes ya gotta break free of the mold, be spontaneous, be crazy, go wild, let loose, follow your heart, and date a sock. For me, that time is now, but you move at your own pace -- I won't force you to accept it.
The first person to badmouth the sock gets it, though.
MacGyver Factor Score: 90.3%. I took points off cuz he's a little short for me. But other than that, SP is a perfect match! Socks rule!