The Boyfriend of the Week

Whoa, close call, people! I almost didn't have a Boyfriend this week! As you may or may not realize, I try to put up a new Boyfriend every week around Thursday. This week, though, I was really lacking inspiration. I had one guy in mind, but I just couldn't get jazzed up about him. So I kept putting it off, and putting it off, and pretty soon, it was Sunday morning and I still hadn't done anything!

Fortunately, as I was lounging around on the couch this morning reading the paper, inspiration struck! And here I am. And here is my new Boyfriend. And I can't believe I didn't think of him sooner.

His name's Sam Shepard, in case you're clueless. Not a big Hollywood star, actually. Kind of a best-supporting-actor sort of guy. The coolest thing about Sam, though, is that he's only an actor on the side. His major line of work is writing (plays, mostly, but also the occasional book). However, he's not JUST a writer, either. He's a Pulitzer Prize-winning writer. Not bad, huh?

Yup, Sam won the P. Prize in 1979, I think, for a play he wrote called "Buried Child." Now, I'm embarrassed to say I haven't read it and don't know anything about it. But, actually, I didn't even know he was a playwright until this morning, so I think I deserve a little time to catch up on the reading, don't you? The real reason I picked Sam for this week's Boyfriend is a movie called "Baby Boom" starring Diane Keaton. I've been thinking about renting it soon and Sam's really incredibly cute in it. In fact, it's where I first realized he was incredibly cute, and I rent it about once a year just to keep the fires burning.

Now that I know he's also incredibly intelligent, however, I may have to get more serious about my relationship with him. It's not every day you meet someone so multi-talented. And so crinkly-eyed good-lookin'.

Ah, another good thing about Sam is that he's only SORTA married. He and long-time girlfriend Jessica Lange are considered common-law spouses, but have never officially tied the knot. Now, I like Jessica Lange a lot, but not enough to consider bowing out of this whole thing and giving up on my Mrs. Sam Shepard dreams. I mean, did you guys see "Baby Boom"? Didn't YOU just want to grab him? Didn't the sexual tension kill you? Didn't he look like a fabulous kisser? Whew!

Thing is, Sam gets even better! You know I'm a huge fan of Westerns too, right? Well, Sam's sort of famous for being a Western kinda guy. Not that's he's been IN a lot of Westerns (though he plays Wyatt Earp in a movie on TNT), but that he writes a lot plays and films set in the West, looks like a cowboy, and even WORKED as a cowboy once when he was younger. Now, how in the hell am I supposed to resist THAT, I ask you? He's even working on a screenplay-version of King Lear set in Texas, for crying out loud. I love this man!

Boyfriend Contest Time! Now, I searched high and low on the Internet for pictures of Sam Shepard before starting this write-up and I have to tell you, I'm really disappointed in the stuff that's out there. You people need to do better than this. There are a zillion sites about Sam out there (even one that is the thesis a PhD student wrote ABOUT Sam Shepard -- now how many people do YOU know who are thesis subjects??) but they all only have ONE picture of Sam, and it's the same exact picture! So, that's what I've got here, too. It's a good photo, but sort of, uh, colorless. Your job, then, my fans, is to find me some decent photos (color, preferably) this week of Sam Shepard. E-mail me with the URL or the photo itself and send your snail mail address, and I'll send you a fabulous prize if I like what you've passed along. Hop to it! Giddyup!

MacGyver Factor Score: 97.2%. Points off for always having bristly-looking stubble on your chin. I know it's kind of the cowboy thing to do, but it can really mess up my face to kiss someone who's scratchy. You girls know what I mean, right? It can give you a zillion tiny little scratches that hurt and itch and are just generally pretty annoying. And, Sam, I'd really like to kiss you for a LONG time when we get together. So, do me a favor and shave first?


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