The Boyfriend of the Week

This week's confession: I love Sam Elliot. I even spent an hour looking around the web for a good picture of him and finally found the balck and white one above. Sam Elliott belongs in Westerns, you see; no pictures from "Road House" are going to cut it with me.

I first came to love Sammy when I was in high school. I don't even remember what movie did if for me, but it was probably one of those made-for-tv westerns he did with his wife, Katheraine Ross, the luckiest girl on the planet next to whoever snags Constable Fraser and MacGyver. Since then, I've seen just about every Sam Elliott movie and I'll tell you something, they're almost always TERRIBLE.

Almost always.

Anyone who knows me knows I can't get enough of the movie Tombstone. Just thinking about it right now makes me want to run out to the nearest video store, pick it up, and then jump on a bus and go home. Though it's only 8:30 in the morning and I'm at work, so really, just about anything I can think of makes me want to jump on a bus and go home. So maybe that's not the best way to express my affection for the film. Tombstone's got everything: jokes, opium, shoot-em-ups, whiskey, romance, and, most importantly, Sam Elliott in long black coats with tails. Oh lord, I've never seen a man look that good in those coats. And even though, in general, I hate men with mustaches who don't also have beards, Sam Elliott's facial hair in Tombstone makes me dizzy with adoration. Plus, don't you just love the name "Virgil"?

You know that scene where he gets shot and he's abut to lose his arm? I cry everytime! Even though I know he's going to be okay and everything. It's because I hate to see my baby in so much pain. Poor sweetie! He didn't deserve that. It was his stinkin' brother Wyatt who was messing with everybody. Virgil was a good guy from start to finish.

Anyway, when Sam's not playing cowboys, he's playing cops. And he makes a pretty good cop too, except he keeps playing cops in bad movies (like "Fatal Beauty" with Whoopi Goldberg and "Rush" with Jason Patric). Stop it, Sam! From now on, I think it'd be a good idea for you to call me before you sign onto a picture. We need to go out for a few drinks and talk a bit and I'll need to read the script and okay the role you picked. Oh, and I'll also need to kiss you. But, I swear, it's the best thing for your career. Really.

MacGyver Factor Score: 95%. Sam gets points off for two reasons: Katherine Ross and "Roadhouse." I hate Roadhouse. And I'm insanely jealous of Katherin Ross. Just cuz she looked soooooo cute in "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid" does NOT mean she's better than I am! But okay, you guys know I love the married ones best. No pressure, and they're obviously such good guys!


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