The Boyfriend of the Week

June 17, 2008 [comment on this write-up]

A couple of months ago, 30+ year-old women everywhere were stunned -- STUNNED, I tell you! -- to learn that Patrick Swayze, the man who made all our hearts go "ga-gong" way back in 1987, had pancreatic cancer, one of the deadliest and most difficult to treat cancers you can get.

As I was trying to process my feelings about this news in a blog post, I realized with some major horror that I've managed to run this stupid web site for TEN YEARS without once featuring Patrick Swayze as a Boyfriend of the Week. How in the hee-ell did I let THAT happen?

Okay, well, I haven't totally ignored him. Patrick Swayze's actually been mentioned on the Boyfriend site a number of times. One of those mentions, as a matter of fact, rather infamously got me banned from the Seattle school district's web server. This was reported to me by my sister, a former teacher, who realized one morning she couldn't get to my web site after the district's web servers had discovered the phrase "Patrick Swayze in fishnet stockings" emanating from my obviously SATANIC web site.

This is one of my favorite stories about the Boyfriend of the Week site, in no small part because I'm a librarian who is against web filters. And that goes DOUBLE for web filters that object to the idea of Patrick Swayze in ladies' underwear. Because this is AMERICA, people! And in AMERICA Patrick Swayze can wear all the ladies' underwear he wants to! And the minute you try to ban Patrick Swayze's fishnets is the minute you LET THE TERRORISTS WIN.

Don't make me go all Gitmo on your arse. I WILL DO IT!

Anyway, I don't even have to do any research to do a write-up on The Bodhizatfa, as I like to call him (Point Break, y'all, though I did have to look up how to spell that). I have been in love with Patrick Swayze since he objected to putting Baby in a corner, and that love hasn't faltered for a minute. I even love ROAD HOUSE, people. That's how dedicated a fan I truly am.

And so, in order of my affection for them, here are my favorite Patrick Swayze movies. If I missed one of your faves, be sure to post it in the comments! (I know you will!)

1. Dirty Dancing (1987) [Netflix me]

What, like I even need to talk about this one? I know a rugby player who's roughly the size of a refrigerator and has cited this as one of his favorite movies. Need I say more? I need not.

Okay wait, just one more thing: "Look, spaghetti arms -- this is my dance space, this is your dance space. I don't go into yours, you don't go into mine. You gotta hold the frame!"

Next!

2. Point Break (1991) [Netflix me]

This is one of my all-time favorite Keanu Reeves movies -- not to mention one of my all-time favorite Gary "Drunk and/or Crazy" Busey movies -- and I honestly can't think of a movie about surfing bank robbers that I enjoy more than this one. (Or, you know, a movie about surfing bank robbers OTHER than this one.) This movie is just 100% silly fun, and though Patrick was totally studly in those tight black pants in Dirty Dancing, he's absolutely drop-dead gorgeous with a tan and messy surf-dude hair. Not to mention the outfits -- rarely does anyone actually look GOOD in a wet suit, but I could look at The Bodhizatfa wearing latex allllll daaaaaay.

Someone should make me a poster to hang over my bed. I'm sure my husband wouldn't mind at all (you know, as long as we put a Reese Witherspoon poster up next to it).

3. Red Dawn (1984) [Netflix me]

How can you resist a movie about a bunch of Russkies getting their butts whomped by a group of sassy teenagers? How can you resist a movie in which Swayze yells things like, "C'mon! We're all going to die -- die standing up!" or " You laugh or you cry. . . the wind just keeps on blowin'"? What, is your heart made of STONE?

Here's a little trivia for you about this movie: co-star Jennifer Grey and The Swayz absolutely HATED each other after making this film together. So, when they found out they would be working on Dirty Dancing together, much outrage ensued. Go figure. I guess that explains why they had so much chemistry in Double-D -- they really DID want to get their hands on each other, just not in the tender, loving way we saw in the film!

And, in case the fact I know obscure Red Dawn trivia like that doesn't convince you that I adore this movie, allow me to next tell you about the time my husband met Kevin Reynolds. He came home from work that day and said, "You'll never guess who I met today -- the director of the biggest big-budget flop of all time! Waterworld!"

To which I responded, "Wait a minute -- you mean KEVIN REYNOLDS?! You met KEVIN REYNOLDS?! The genius who wrote RED DAWN? And you didn't get me an AUTOGRAPH? Me . . . YOUR WIFE WHO LOVES THAT MOVIE?!"

And that's when I killed him, your honor.

4. North and South (1985) [Netflix me]

This Civil War miniseries holds a very special place in my heart because it was the first thing I ever saw Patrick Swayze in, and I swooned BIG TIME over his Southern charm, not to mention his dashing 80's mullet. After seeing this movie, I remember spending months upon months tying bed sheets around my waist to make poofy hoop-like skirts and then pretending to be Orry Main's latest squeeze. I'd fan myself with some folded paper and say things like, "Oh, Orry -- we just cain't be in love. . . whatevah shall we do?" It's no wonder I grew up to be fascinated by the Civil War, come to think of it. I always thought that was William Faulkner's doing, but honestly, it's just now occurred to me that it probably had more to do with Patrick Swayze and James Read than Thomas Sutpen and Quentin Compson. I can't decide if that makes me awesome or pathetic. I'm sure you guys will let me know.

5. The Outsiders (1983) [Netflix me]

Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower,
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf,
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes into day,
Nothing gold can stay.
(Robert Frost)

I just recited that FROM MEMORY, people. That's how many times I've seen this terrific film about Socs and Greasers duking it out in the 60's. In fact, after I read the S.E. Hinton novel this film was based on, way back in the 80's, the first thing I did was carefully inscribe this poem around the white sole-edge of my black Chuck Taylors (high-tops I'd subsequently chopped down into low-tops -- that's how cool I was back then, yo). And then later, when I saw the movie, I felt all smug because I thought that poem was cool way before The Karate Kid thought that poem was cool.

And can you believe the cast of this movie? Not just Patrick, playing Darry Curtis, a teenager forced to raise his brothers Sodapop and Ponyboy after their parents die, but also the aforementioned Ralph "Wax On, Wax Off" Macchio, Matt Dillon, C. Thomas Howell, Rob "She Said She Was 18" Lowe, Emilio "I Apologize for Men at Work" Estevez, Tom Cruise, Diane Lane, and, wonder of wonders, ex-Boyfriend Tom "Black Lung" Waits!

Everything I know about gang warfare I learned from this movie. And it can be summed up thusly: "No jazz before the rumble -- you know the rules, Ape Face!"

6. Ghost (1990) [Netflix me]

Wait, how did THIS movie get on the list? I hate this movie! It's so cheesy! The crying! The hand-wringing! The heartache! The pottery scene! The music! The shirtlessness! The Whoopi! The "I Am Henry the 8th, I Am"! The heaven stuff! The dead people stuff! The scene with the penny! The girl-on-girl action! The scene where the bad guy gets his comeuppance with the help of a well-timed broken window!

Yeah, this movie's totally sappy and lame. I'd never be caught dead watching it. And certainly would never, ever, ever admit to always getting a little bit misty at the end every time. Because I am COOL, people. And I do not like cheesy love stories, no sirree bub.

Wait, what's that? You want to know why, if I would never watch this movie, I own not one but two copies of it? VHS and DVD? I. . . well. . . they were. . . like. . . GIFTS, okay? THEY WERE GIFTS.

Oh, shut up.

7. Road House (1989) [Netflix me]

Okay, look. I know that everybody on the entire planet EXCEPT FOR ME thinks that Road House is about as good a movie as Ishtar. But hey, newsflash, people: nobody ever accused me of having good taste in movies. And besides, Sam Elliot AND Patrick Swayze? In the SAME MOVIE? Looking all grizzled and buff? Being all cool and smart? Periodically getting all sweaty and taking their shirts off?

SOLD!

And now for the good news -- the latest report I heard about Patrick was that he was responding well to treatment and the doctors and his family were pretty optimistic about his recovery. He's even gone back to work: up next for him is a new series on A&E called The Beast that is about a seasoned FBI agent (played by The Bodhizatfa) who trains -- "and hazes" -- his new partner (played by Travis Fimmel). Sounds pretty good to me. Especially if there's dancing. And naked pottery classes. And mayhap a bar fight or two.

Bodhi -- we're all pullin' for you, man. Hang in there and get well soon!

MacGyver Factor Score: 98.345%. Points off for the movies Father Hood, Black Dog, and Letters from a Killer.

And then, of course, MASSIVE points back for this (striking, isn't it?):

[comment on this write-up]


Boyfriend-Related Links

Patrick's Official Fan Club
Article about A&E's The Beast
Patrick's IMDb page
Official Dirty Dancing web site


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