The Boyfriend of the Week

November 22, 1999

UNDERWEAR! UNDERWEAR! UNDERWEAR!

I bet THAT got your attention, huh? Wondering what the heck I'm up to? Well, I'll tell ya! Last week, my sister emailed to say that my web site had been BANNED IN BELLEVUE! At least, it's been banned from her high school (she's a math teacher). Apparently, and this both boggles and amuses me to no end, the web filtering program they have installed on the school's computers filtered ME out last week! But no, wait! It gets even better! When she emailed the people in charge of monitoring the filter asking what was up, they replied:

This site relates to lingerie sales or modeling.

- The N2H2 Website Review Team (reviewme@n2h2.com)

Now, my initial response was to cry, "There's lingerie on my web site and nobody told me until now?!" Then I began to laugh hysterically at my own lame joke for about 5 minutes. I think psychologists call that response "denial." Then I went through the next stage, irrational anger and frustration (i.e.: "How dare those bastards ban ME?!"). That lasted about 30 full seconds. Finally, I settled into what psychologists describe as "the stage wherein the totally nuts person realizes she now has something in common with people she thinks are really cool and who have also been banned by morons who didn't even bother to read their works before giving them the boot -- you know, like James Joyce." I remain in that stage to this day. First they banned "Ulysses," and I said nothing. Then they banned "A Portrait of the Artist," and still I said nothing. Now they have come for me! Bitchin'!

So, anyway, this should make the UNDERWEAR rally cry understandable, right? See, so now I'm giving them a REASON to ban me. It's sort of a "stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about!" response.

By the way, you know what I think must've gotten me in trouble in the first place? If you'll remember, last week I mentioned the movie "To Wong Foo" and said something about how horrifying I thought it would be to see Patrick Swayze's hairy thighs IN FISHNET STOCKINGS. That's gotta be the filterable phrase that got me in trouble. And this right here says all you need to know about why Internet filters are the stupidest things ever created. Anyone interested in MORE reasons to believe that should e-mail me because I wrote a great paper in graduate school about it and would be happy to send you a copy. No, I swear, it's REALLY INTERESTING.

Yeah, okay. Whatever, right? Oh, and hey, please feel free to send the "N2H2 Website Review Team" (gooooo, TEAM!) an email message letting them know just how d-u-m dumb you think they are.

So, Meg, you interject, are you ever going to talk about Noah Wyle or what? Answer: Yes! This week's Boyfriend is Dr. Carter, and it's really kind of weird because I didn't realize I had a crush on him until last week, when I was writing about Michael Vartan and mentioned he'd been in a movie with Noah Wyle. So, he was sort of fresh in my mind. Then Thursday night I watched ER, as usual, and all of a sudden, it hit me -- hey, that Noah Wyle guy is really cute! I'll be damned!

Sometimes I can't see the nose on my own face. Er. . .or something.

Noah Wyle's character on ER is one of the most interesting of the bunch, if you ask me. It's been great watching him feel his way around his own insides for the last few years (doesn't THAT conjur up an image in this context?). We've seen him try on several doctor-personalities, from a scared and insecure medical student, to a cold and unfeeling surgeon, to today's compassionate and dedicated ER specialist. And, more importantly, he's been cute the entire time, except for that brief facial-hair phase (and thank GOD he grew out of that one, eh, folks?). The thing is, he's not just cute -- Carter is also smart as a whip and single. Which makes him prime Meg fodder, don't you think?

As for the real Noah Wyle (please stand up), from what I've read, they aren't very different (except last I heard Noah was engaged). ER was Noah's first real break in acting, and he says the reason he was so believeable as a lost and insecure medical student back at the beginning of the series was because he was a lost and insecure actor. Poor cutie. But as Carter has gotten bolder, so has Noah, and that's just the kind of personal growth I like to see happening in young men these days. My heavens. Apparently, I'm not the only one, either, as Noah Wyle has been nominated for FIVE Emmy awards and three Golden Globes since ER first began so many moons ago. Gooooooo Noah!

A little biography: Noah Wyle was born and raised in Hollywood, along with 6 siblings. He didn't really get into acting until high school, though. After he graduated, he moved into what's been described as "a seedy apartment" and started taking acting classes. It didn't take long before he scored a few bit parts on tv, and then a few bit parts in films (everybody remember him in "A Few Good Men"?). Then, BAM!, he's cast as a young doc on ER and the rest, as they say, don't need no explanation.

I did, by the way, manage to rent and see "A Myth of Fingerprints" (starring last week's Boyfriend AND this week's Boyfriend). It was only okay, though I definitely think it's more a Noah Wyle movie than a Michael Vartan one. They needed to call me in to work on it, though -- it had a lot of great potential but really fizzled out at the end. Instead of exploring the father-son tension, they just sort of ditched the whole thing. Like they wanted to explore it, but then they decided it would take too much work. Oh wait, maybe that was the point. I'm sure it happens that way in real life far more than I realize.

Not being either a father or son myself. You know.

Anyway, Noah Wyle is an interesting man. And also, did I mention he was really dang cute? He's sort of like a little puppy, don't you think? Kind of adoring and needy-looking. Everytime I see him, I just want to pat him on the head and rub his tummy. Heh. And not just cuz he's like a puppy, either. Woo!

While I adore Dr. Carter on ER, I've got to admit I'm kind of looking forward to the day Noah Wyle decides he's had enough of it. I'm eager to see what he's going to do next. He's got a lot of potential; I want to see what he does with it. Here's hoping he doesn't get off the show and then vanish into the Hollywood vortex. I'd like to see him stay interesting. I'd also like to see him stay sheepish and adorable (see above picture, left), but as he gets older, he'll probably become serious and debonair (hints of which in above picture, right). Serious and debonair is good too, but it doesn't encourage tummy rubbing, and I'm really into that right now. In any case, you can't go wrong with Noah Wyle. Even with that miserable beard thingy.

MacGyver Factor Score: 97.9%. Points off for being engaged. Points back for the crooked smile. (The right smile can make me very forgiving.)



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