The Boyfriend of the Week
December 17, 2003
I had someone else planned for this week -- I had done tons of research on him and he's a classy actor, handsome and cool. But Murphy's Law of Meg states that anytime Meg gets close to finishing a write-up, someone else must jump into her path and delay things. Heaven forbid I actually get one of these things posted on time -- I mean, the world could end! Chaos! Destruction! Anarchy! SMOOOOOOOGGGGGGG!
This week, though, it didn't take much to distract me, because I had already been nursing a slight crush on this Boyfriend -- Kevin Weisman -- ever since I rented the first season of Alias about four months ago. When I rented the second season last weekend, and geeky tech Marshall Flinkman finally got the girl, it was just the final straw -- I was in love and there was simply no denying it.
For those of you who have never seen Alias, hie thee to the video store posthaste. But be warned -- it's best if you can dedicate at least 4 straight days to this venture, because I assure you that once you watch the pilot of Season One, you won't be able to turn off your DVD player until you've seen the final episode of Season Two. And then you will stomp around the house muttering "Curses!" because you were too stupid to think to tape Season Three as it aired on television this season. And now you have to wait until NEXT December to see what happens to CIA Agents Sydney and Vaughn and, most importantly, of course,
Marshall!! Marshall, Marshall, Marshall! Oh man, he's just so CUTE!!
Now, granted, the vast majority of Alias watchers are probably sitting there each week drooling over the numerous "handsome" types on the show -- there's really no shortage of them. I myself tuned in initially because I'd heard that ex-Boyfriend Michael Vartan was delicious in the series. But, it didn't take long for me to hardly notice him; it simply took one or two encounters with Marshall, the sweetest, funniest, GEEKIEST character ever to cross a television screen, for me to fall head over heels in another direction. Every time Marshall opens his mouth, the characters around him roll their eyes. I mean, you think my tangents are bad, Marshall is Master and Commander of the HMS Bounty o' Tangentry. But rolling their eyes? What is wrong with those people? It makes me wish I were in that meeting myself, just because Marshall deserves at least one person who will laugh at his jokes. Oh yes, I'd laugh. And I'd even bat my eyelashes at him while he was speaking. And then the moment he sat down, I'd fling myself over the conference table and plant one right on that little goofy mouth of his. Mwwwwwah!
In short, and if this is coming as a surprise, then you haven't been paying attention, I find geeks -- especially computer geeks -- to be utterly irresistible. Partly it's because I wish I were a better computer geek myself -- I'd give anything to be as dorky as Marshall, for example. But it's also because brains are just the sexiest things ever, and when you wrap them up in a cute li'l package of quirks, insecurities, and a grin a mile wide, I'm pretty much ready to drop everything and, well, fling myself over the metaphorical conference table of life, right into Kevin Weisman's short little lap.
Metaphorical conference table of life? Okay, it's official -- I'm on drugs. (Note: not really.)
Now, as if Kevin Weisman The Actor's spot-on portrayal of the sweetest dorkleberry goofball ever weren't enough to earn my lifelong dedication, I logged onto the internet the other day to discover that Kevin Weisman The Man is pretty much the coolest guy ever to walk the planet! Not only is he a talented actor on both stage and screen, but he plays drums in a band! Yes, you heard me correctly -- he's a DRUMMER!
Pinch me, because I'm pretty sure this can't actually be real. It's just too perfect. Too PERFECT, I tell you! Because, not only have I always aspired to be a total geek, but I've also always aspired to be a drummer! You can see now why it's fate that Kev and I end up together. I mean, think of all the things he could teach me! Granted, he's probably not actually a technological genius in real life. But he could teach me to act like one, and really, in the world of technology, all you need to impress people is to learn the jargon. Once you speak the language(s), you can just rattle off incomprehensible things and everybody around you will think you're the biggest brain ever to cross their path.
Well, you know, the ones who don't think you're just a big nerdy loser, that is.
The drums, though. The drums I'm sure he could teach me for real. And it wouldn't even be hard, I'm sure. Because I truly believe I was born to be a drummer in a rock and roll band. I feel it in my bones, ladies and gentlemen. I gots the bug. And I gots the beat, too, which is slightly more important in a drummer than the bug, though there sure are a lot of drummers out there in the world with the bug but no beat. Trust me, it ain't pretty. Now, of course, I say all this despite the fact I have never picked up a drumstick in my life. Somehow, I just know I'd be a natural at it. I know it, people. It's my calling. Cuz. . .
"I got rhythm, I got music, I got Mar-shall, who could ask for anything more?!"
Oh, wait, I know what else I could ask for. MORE KEVIN WEISMAN! Because, and I mean this in a really nice way, it just bloody well sucks that I have to wait until next December before I can get my next Marshall fix (note: December is when I'm figuring Season Three of Alias will come out on DVD). I think Kevin needs to be doing more films, actually -- a whole Marshall film series, in fact. He could be like Indiana Jones -- but instead of a whip, he could wield a Linux machine. "You think you can take that ancient artifact from me? Ha HAH, /etc/hosts.deny!! Take THAT! And don't make me chmod 700 your ass, because I'll do it! I WILL DO IT! Hiii-yah!" Of course, the ancient artifact would have to be, like, one of those computers from the early 1980's that used cassette tapes. You remember those computers? My uncle had one. We used to write games in BASIC on it when I was in about the third grade, and if I'm remembering this correctly, we ran the games by plugging the computer into our television set.
Ah, the glory days of BASIC. How I long for thee.
10 print "Marshall is sexy ";
20 goto 10
Marshall is sexy
Marshall is sexy
Marshall is sexy
Marshall is sexy
Marshall is sexy
Marshall is sexy
Or, actually, it's possible that that would've printed out like this:
Marshall is sexy Marshall is sexy Marshall is sexy Marshall is sexy. . .
It's been awhile. That semicolon has something to do with it, but I can't remember what. Wait, maybe that made it print diagonally? Dude, I'm rusty! Regardless, the message is the same. Dorks rule!
Kevin Weisman was born December 29th, 1970 (by the way, Happy Upcoming Birthday, Kev!) in Los Angeles, California. He received a B.A. from UCLA's prestigious School of Theatre/Film/Television (you can tell it's prestigious because they spell "theater" with an "re"), and also has studied acting at New York's Circle in the Square Theatre. I could make a "Hollywood Squares" joke about that one, but for your sake, I will refrain.
He's been in gazillions of plays, and is also a founding member of the award winning Buffalo Nights Theatre Company (also prestigious, clearly). He often serves as producer on the Buffalo Nights shows these days, but has also starred in about 80 gazillion of them as well.
Aside from "Alias," you may also have seen Kev on "Felicity," "Roswell," "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" (though, you wouldn't have recognized him -- he was a creature), "X-Files," "E.R." and "Just Shoot Me." He's also been in a few movies, though primarily in bit parts:"Gone in 60 Seconds," "Robbers," and "Man of the Century" (1998 Slamdance Audience Award Winner).
Currently, Kev is hard at work on the third season of "Alias," and I'm pretty sure that there will be at least one Marshall Flinkman kissing scene this season (at least, there'd better be -- please don't email to tell me anything about Season Three, though, as I do intend to wait until it comes out on DVD). He's also producing (and acting in) the feature film "The Illusion," starring Kirk Douglas and inspired by Pierre Corneille's 17th century French comedy "L'illusion Comique," but set in modern times. It's about a legendary film director (Donald) who is dying alone in his private screening room, reflecting on all the various ways he's screwed up his life. Late one night, he's awakened by the Ghost of Christmas Past (well, not really, but there are certainly parallels here between this story and "A Christmas Carol" -- in fact, Dickens must have used "L'illusion" himself, though I didn't look this up to check). The ghost is named Stan (as all good ghosts are), and he tells Donald he will show him three films -- three visions -- each one representing a different period of Christopher's life. You pretty much know the story from there, I'm sure.
"The Illusion" is currently in post-production, so it should be hitting film festivals and other indie-movie sources soon.
Meanwhile, you can catch Kev rockin' out with his band "Trainwreck" (kind of a garage country band -- reminds me of my husband's foray into "truckin' music," actually. Fun, grungy, country stuff). The band is working on their first album, and has several show dates in January. You can find out the where's and when's on the Trainwreck web site (see links below). And in a few months, he'll be off to film "The Terminal" with Tom Hanks and Catherine Zeta Jones. I'm sure that shortly thereafter, he'll get started on the "Indiana Flinkman" action-adventure series -- I'll get crackin' in the script. And, of course, there's ALIAS ALIAS ALIAS, which you had better go rent right now or else.
MacGyver Factor Score: 98.947%. Points off because Kevin is only 5'8" tall, which makes him about 1.5 inches shorter than I am. I take off points not because I discriminate against the vertically-challenged, but because I have problems with my lower back and bending over to kiss someone can really make it flare up, you know?
Okay, that's just plain stupid. Like I'd have to bend over to kiss someone only 1.5 inches shorter than I am? And like we'd be standing up when we were doing this anyway? Forget it, points back. And I heartily apologize. I take back everything I just said, actually. You know, except for the part where I fantasized about the smooching. I like that part. A lot.