Okay, okay. YES, Harrison Ford is kind of a boring crush. I mean, what girl doesn't have a crush on Harrison Ford? Meg, you ask, what in the world is so interesting about that?

Nothing, okay? It's a boring crush; I just admitted that! But sometimes the boring ones are the best ones because they're so secure. Kind of like the cliche of the old shoe -- dull but comfortable.

I grew up loving Harrison Ford, by the way. From American Graffiti ("Piss yellow or puke green?") to, duh, Star Wars ("Great, kid; don't get cocky!"), to things like Witness and The Fugitive, I have been there. Rooting for him from the peanut gallery, so to speak. True, Harrison Ford is usually playing Harrison Ford. But what's so bad about that? He's a smart, strong, sexy, unsuspecting, goofy, insecure sweetie. It's a pretty nice character.

I remember when I first really fell in love with Harrison (who I really really want to call "Hank" but am refraining). I was living in Yuma, Arizona and they were filming the sand pit scene from Return of the Jedi in the sand dunes not far from my house. The whole cast was staying at a hotel in Yuma and the hotel had big letters on its sign announcing their presence and stuff. Just knowing I was THAT CLOSE to Han Solo gave me chills. No, I never got to see him (I wasn't old enough to drive, dammit) and no, he never came by to give me a smooch and thank me for my devotion (it's okay, I've forgiven you now, Hank). But it was a thrill all the same.

Anyway, Harrison Ford is the definition of the word "dreamy." Totally non-threatening and sweet. And you know that if you ever ran into him and lost your cool and started to drool and spout things like "Oh, Mr. Ford, I've loved you since you were in Yuma in the early 80's and I was in third grade and I used to kiss my poster of you and wish you were my boyfriend and stuff. . ." well, he'd just give you that crooked, insecure grin and chuckles a little.

God, isn't that grin the cutest thing? And I love that scar he has on his chin, by the way. I bet he got it when he was fighting Storm Troopers. He was so sexy when he was fighting them nasty Storm Troopers.

MacGyver Factor Score: 96%. Harrison gets 4 points off for two reason: 1: he's an old shoe and 2: he dissed me big time on that smooch when I was a kid. Yes, I said I forgave him, but deep down, I'm still a big hurt. But, damn, he sure did look good dressed up like the Amish, didn't he? These MacGyver scores are getting harder and harder to calculate. I love everybody so much, you see? And I hate having to deduct points; it makes me feel so critical. Still, I must keep in mind that nobody is MacGyver. Nobody CAN be MacGyver. Except for MacGyver. That's important to remember. Harrison Ford, I LOVE YOU. But, and I'm so sorry about this, YOU ARE NO MACGYVER.


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