The Boyfriend of the Week
The
Boyfriend of the Week
August 28, 2000
Last week, as I tried to come up with a good Boyfriend to run this
week, I was really having a hard time getting inspired. I'd been thinking
about Guy Pearce for awhile, but since I'd only seen him in "L.A.
Confidential" and "Ravenous," neither of which features Guy in a very
pretty light, I just couldn't get all that revved up about him.
(Incidentally, I also saw "Priscilla, Queen of the Desert," but I don't
remember him in that. Probably because when I saw it, I had no idea who
he was and was too busy going "Is that actually TERRENCE STAMP in that
dress?!")
One slow day last week, just for kicks, I decided to try looking for a
few Guy Pearce photos, though. And once I started looking, HOLY COW did I
realize I had my new Boyfriend. JUST LOOK AT THOSE PICTURES! Did you
have any idea Ed Exley could look like that?
If you didn't, then it's because you, like me, were totally clueless. Any
other decent Guy fan would've known that Guy's first big break was on a
soap opera (called "Neighbors" and that rings a bell with me -- I have the
feeling some other Boyfriend was on that show too. Anybody know which
one?). They cast him pretty quickly after seeing him in the flesh. Know
why? Because he was a teenage BODY BUILDER at the time. Yes, THAT Guy
Pearce used to have muscles like Arnold Schwarzenegger. He's one of
those over-achiever skinny guys who feels (or at least felt) the need to
work out constantly in order to go from scrawny weakling to amazing
muscle-stud just like Charles Atlas did on the backs of all those comic
books.
Anyway, he was so dreamy from the neck down that they made his character
on the show a diver so they could have him strut around the stage in a
skimpy bathing suit a lot. Thus winning him about a zillion Australian
fans (apparently this is an Aussie soap -- could the other Boyfriend have
been Russell Crowe?) of the female persuasion.
Lucky for us stinky Americans, Guy quit the soap and moved into movies.
But let's not get too ahead of ourselves here. Pause with me for a
moment while we toss the image of a totally buff Guy Pearce in only a
swimsuit around. Hmmmmmm.
Okay, *snap*. Back to Realitysville. As I mentioned earlier, I've seen
only three Guy Pearce movies. The first
was "L.A. Confidential," which I finally had to go out and buy (got a good
deal on half.com, though) because I kept
having to rent it for Boyfriend research (Russell Crowe, James Cromwell,
Kevin Spacey, etc.). In LAC, Guy plays Ed Exley, the skinny twerp all the
other cops hate because he's such a goody-goody, but who actually proves
to the entire city that doing the right thing does not actually make you a
wussy. Ed Exley is nerdy, pointy, and pale. And when you put him next to
Russell Crowe, he also becomes short and funny-lookin'. So, the first few
times I saw L.A. Confidential, he wasn't the hunk that caught my
attention.
Shame on me.
The next Guy Pearce movie I saw just amazed the pants outta me (huh?). It
was called "Ravenous" and was about a bunch of soldiers eating each other.
But that wasn't the amazing part! The amazing part was that I didn't
recognize Guy until about 90 minutes into the movie when my real-life
boyfriend turned to me and said, "Don't laugh, but doesn't that guy look
like the dork in L.A. Confidential?" (He prefaced that with the "Don't
laugh," because whenever we watch a movie and he recognizes someone as
being a famous actor we've seen elsewhere, he is ALWAYS wrong. Like,
"Hey, isn't that Jon Voight?" when it's actually someone unknown who, in
my reality, looks NOTHING even REMOTELY like Jon Voight. Which makes me
crack up.
This time, however, he was right. And it not only LOOKED like Guy Pearce,
it WAS Guy Pearce. (Really, you guys, if you see it, you'll understand
why I didn't recognize him. First of all, there's all that facial hair.
Second, there's all that distracting people-eating.). It wasn't a
god-awful movie, by the way. It definitely held my attention. But it's
not for the gentle of spirit.
Anyway, the third movie of Guy's I've seen is "Priscilla," and it's
obviously time to rent it again because I absolutely cannot picture Ed
Exley in a dress and that's gotta be somethin' to see.
So, Meg, you ask. If you didn't find him attractive in L.A.C. and you
didn't even recognize him in Ravenous, what the heck is he doing on your
web page? I'll tell you. A few weeks ago, when I was doing James
Cromwell (I should really rephrase that, but I'm not gonna), I watched LAC
twice in one week. (Well, hey, the first time was for James and the
second time was because I missed Russell Crowe and it didn't look like I
was EVER going to get to see Gladiator.)
The second time, though, who I really noticed was Guy Pearce. Ed Exley I
had
noticed all along. I liked Ed, to be honest. Nice guys impress me,
especially guys who stick to their nice-ness guns even when it means they
are going to have the bejesus (beheysoos) knocked out of them for it. But
Guy Pearce is who I noticed this time. It was something about his mouth,
actually. And his (brown?) eyes. And that amazingly perfect nose
(really, a nose that perfect ought to be illegal). Holy St. Patrick, I
cried. Underneath that Crisco hair-do and those terrible glasses lies a
total and complete Hunkastudamuffin!
I believe I have never used that word to describe a single Boyfriend
before. Not even MacGyver. (Mostly because I just made it up right here
on the spot, but don't tell Guy that part.)
And thus a Boyfriend was born.
Well, okay, he was actually born thus: In Ely, Cambridgeshire (that's in
England,
for those of you who lost the Geography Bee) to a father who was in the
Royal Air Force (but who was a native New Zealander, I believe) and a
mother who was a really really great mom. Shortly thereafter (when GP was
about 3.5 years old and it was 1971, which must mean he's only 5.5 years
older than I am, which must mean we were made for each other), the family
packed up and moved to Australia, where his dad became a test pilot.
Now, I read this on one web site and it immediately made me a little
nervous. Test pilots do an awful lot of crashing and burning. It seems
like a pretty poor career choice, actually, but what the heck do I know
about danger? I'm a librarian! (Although you can easily get injured or
killed in libraries -- especially if they keep the heavy books on the TOP
of the tippy and unsteady shelves instead of the bottom.) But, that site
had nothing more to add so I exhaled and continued looking for pictures
the kids in the audience might describe as "hot." (Or even "hella
hot.") (Don't ask me.)
The second web site I went to, though, and the one with much more updated
information (which makes me trust it), said my ouija-like prediction
skills were right -- Guy's father died in a plane crash about 5 years
after their Aussie move. Dang. Poor baby. That means his daddy died
when he was about 9! How do kids ever survive that?
Incidentally, the fact he DID survive it is what leads me to believe his
mom must've
rocked. She decided to keep the fam in Australia instead of packing them
up and taking them back home to England, and that was lucky for the rest
of us, because who knows what would've happened to Guy Pearce if his life
had turned out differently, right? Would he have ever made it to the big
leagues? The Boyfriend of the Week big leagues?
This is a question that will puzzle us for generations to come.
Anyway, in case you doubted (however briefly) that Guy and I (it rhymes!)
were a match made in Heaven, here's a little interesting Meg-Guy trivia:
We actually have quite a bit in common. First of all, Guy loves music and
plays the guitar, piano, and sax. I ALSO love music and I play the
guitar, piano, and flute (which looks just LIKE a sax except it's about
1/12 the size, is straight instead of curved, is usually silver instead of
bronze in color, makes sounds from a much higher register, and does not
involve the use of reeds). Also, he is married to a woman named "Kate"
and Kate is a often a nickname for Katherine, which just so happens to be
my middle name. Can you believe it? But wait! The list goes on! It's
said that Guy cherishes and protects his private life. Obviously this is
true of me as well, otherwise I figure one of my Boyfriends would've come
knocking on my door by now (they just don't know where to knock, s'all!).
And, his dad was in the Air Force and my dad was a Marine. Which actually
only means my dad can beat up his dad, but we won't go there with this
one.
So, you see, obviously us getting together like this was DESTINY.
I haven't seen Guy's most recent film, "Rules of Engagement," but I seem
to remember it got pretty good reviews. I think it's about a military
officer on trial for ordering his troops to fire on civilians (in the
Middle East, I think). Not a terrible original plot, I must say, but it
didn't get bombed in the media, so it's worth renting when it shows up
on video.
Investigation tells me Guy can quit his day job, too, as he's got at least
three more movies coming out soon, all of which feature him in the lead
role (or at least a co-starring role). The first is called "Memento" and
is about a man (Guy) who, suffering from short-term memory loss,
ingeniously solves his wife's murder. The second is called "Till Human
Voices Wake Us" and is a ghost story (yay!). And the third is virtually
guaranteed to rock -- it's "The Count of Monte Cristo" and features Guy in
the role of Fernand (and Jim Caviezel as the Count).
So, not only is Guy not going anywhere (like, back to soap operas), he's
also going to be all over the place in the next year. This makes me very
very happy, especially now that I've realized he doesn't actually look
like Ed Exley one bit (nor does he, I'm assuming, really eat human flesh).
Plus, it's nice to have a Boyfriend who isn't really all over the news
lately. I've recently found out a lot more about Russell Crowe than I
ever wanted to know, for example.
MacGyver Factor Score: 94.1%. I took points off because
he's married. And not just married, but married to an old school-mate,
which means he's a romantic. Ordinarily, I love romantics, but not when
they aren't being romantic to ME but to someone else instead. Dang it all
to heck! Still, these "school-mate" marriages don't always last once the
famous-ish person really blossoms into full-fledged stardom. So maybe
I'll have a chance. Keep fingers crossed.
Boyfriend-Related Links
The Guy Pearce Site
(excellent!)
Guy Pearce
On-Line
IMDB page for Guy
The best L.A. Confidential
site