Ross's
IMDb page
Official Baghead
site (Sony Pictures)
Official site for The
Off Hours
Interview
with Ross (Christopher Stipp, Trailer
Park)
Netflix
page for Ross's films
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The Boyfriend of the Week
by
Meg "Nose Licker" Wood |
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July 16, 2011 [comment on this write-up] You know what? I'm not even going to apologize for the fact this write-up is four months overdue. You know why? Because in order to complete this write-up, I had to watch Amityville: A New Generation, and if you don't understand why mustering up the requisite courage for that task might take a lady a few months, then, you know, there's just no. . . there's not enough explaining in the world, my friends. Amityville: A New Generation, people! It's about a MIRROR that KILLS. You try getting yourself to sit down for something that unbelievably dumb, see how long it takes you. Whew. The things I do for love. I tell ya, it's a lot. To be completely honest, though, this week's Boyfriend, unlike the other three I've been working on for months now (sigh -- can't seem to finish much these days), was a total impulse buy. That is, I've known who Ross Partridge was for a few years now, but it wasn't until I saw his latest film The Off Hours a month or so ago at the Seattle International Film Festival that it suddenly hit me I was madly in fake BotW love with him. Not only is the man a really talented actor, but he's pretty damn handsome to boot. AND THAT NOSE. MY GOD, THAT NOSE. Second only to Nathan Fillion's when it comes to absolute lickability, and you know that is saying a LOT. Oh, stop. I mean, I know all you guys thought that Nathan Fillion nose thing was weird, but I'm not really some freako nose fetishist, much as that write-up might've made me sound like I was. In fact, noses are generally the last thing on a face I notice. I usually see eyes first, then mouths. Chins, maybe, cheekbones certainly, hair, hairlines (lacks thereof), scars, moles, ear lobes (I do have an ear lobe fetish, I confess -- oof, so nice, ear lobes). Really, I take note of pretty much everything else there is to take note of before I take a good hard look at someone's nose. For the most part, a truly perfect nose is unnoticeable. It provides a little 3-D action to the face, but not a whole lot else, right? (I mean, besides breathing and stuff. That's nice too.) But then I get in front of someone like Nathan Fillion or Ross Partridge, and suddenly the nose is not only the first thing I notice, it's practically the only thing. They're like a blank head with naught but a glorious nose for months and months. It wasn't until about a year ago, while watching Ross in the comedy-horror film Baghead, that I realized he also had lovely eyes, for example. And it wasn't until last summer's SIFF screening of The Freebie that I noticed he also had ridiculously terrific hair (really, it's almost unfair, that hair -- hey, that rhymed!). And let's not even get started about his mouth, his ear lobes (!), his cheeks. Because that kind of talk is just going to send me spiralling off on some childish drooly tangent, and the fact is, his looks, while undeniably stellar, pale in comparison to his talent at taking on roles and turning them into people, which is just about the sexiest thing in the world, that sort of magic. To wit, a few people he's made, some good, some, you know, Amityville: A New Generation: Amityville: A New Generation (1996): Let's just get this one out of the way first, because it is the most RIDICULOUSLY RIDICULOUS. Okay, so, you know how in the original Amityville Horror, there was a house and a portal to hell and a guy who got possessed and killed his whole family? Well, in this sequel, the seventh in the series (you read that right: SEVEN!), a young photographer named Keyes Terry (Ross) is out with friends one day when he sees a homeless man across the street and takes his picture. He walks over to him to make sure it's okay he snapped his pic and offers him some money in payment, just in case the photograph sells and Keyes makes some money off it. The old man accepts, but offers Keyes something in trade -- an enormous old mirror. Keyes, being a nicer guy that I am (except for the part where I'm not a guy), graciously accepts the bizarre gift and takes it home. Suddenly, his friends start going on berserk murdering rampages and it's not long before Keyes realizes the source of the evil: it's the mirror! It's making all his friends kill all his other friends! Thanks a LOT, homeless guy! Annnnd that's right, folks, you read that correctly: this movie is about an evil mirror. AN EVIL MIRROR. AN. EVIL. MIRROR. What the hell? Who thinks this stuff up? Anyway, in one of the lamest lame attempts to connect a distant sequel that has nothing to do with the original, but which the writer thinks probably ought to, it turns out Keyes Terry's father was the original killer dad, or something like that, and the mirror is from the original killer house, or something like that. God, I don't know. I confess I wasn't really paying much attention after the first 20 minutes of its horribleness (can you blame me? IT'S ABOUT AN EVIL MIRROR!). I was far more intrigued by Ross Partridge's hair, which was amazing to be sure, but by no means amazing enough to cancel out the incredible train wreck of the rest of this flick. It's not even GOOD bad. It's not even LAUGHABLY bad. It's just dumb bad, and there are few things more tedious in this world than dumb bad (you know, like Fox News). Don't rent this movie, you guys. Really. Don't. I rented this movie so you wouldn't have to. ACCEPT MY GIFT, ALREADY. And Ross, well, I forgive him for his contributions to this disaster, because he was so very, very young. Not to mention good lookin'. We all do dumb stuff when we're young and pretty, right? Oh ho ho, yes we do. Baghead (2008): I saw this film a year or so ago, after seeing Mark Duplass in Humpday and falling head-over-heels in love with him (Boyfriend write-up on Mark still hasn't materialized, but I'm sure it'll happen eventually). Seeking out more of his work, I came across this comedy/horror flick, which came highly recommended by none other than ex-Boyfriend Robert Redford (accepted into the Sundance film festival in 2008). Weirdly, and I cannot explain this, I apparently hated it the first time I saw it, and I never wrote a review of it either. I just gave it two measly stars on Netflix, and erased it from my brain. I've been watching a lot more independent films since then, however, and independent films are a totally different beast, I've since learned. They take some time to get used to and fully appreciate, in my opinion, and the more I've seen, the better sense I've started to develop about which ones are good and which ones are bad. Watching this one again last week to prep for this write-up, I absolutely loved it. It's creative, it's well-acted, it's got an entertainingly goofball story line, and it involves Ross Partridge in a house in the woods for two days NOT SHAVING. Stubbly Ross Partridge! I would watch Stubbly Ross Partridge in ANYTHING. Except maybe Amityville: Electric Evil Mirror Boogaloo. Oh, who am I kidding -- it's in my Netflix queue right now. Baghead is about a group of independent movie actors who aren't getting many parts and are growing frustrated by their lack of success. At a film festival one night, they see a ridiculously low-budget naval-gazer and, after it's over, pepper the director with a bunch of questions about how he made it (with his mom's camera), how much it cost (a thousand bucks), all that stuff. It gives them an idea -- let's go to Chad's uncle's cabin in the woods this weekend and write, direct, produce, and star in our own picture (cue jokes about indie films here). So the four set off -- Chad, Matt (Ross), and two girls, Katherine and Michelle. The group starts drinking right away, and plans to write a script fizzle when nobody can come up with a good idea. But that night, when Michelle gets up and stumbles outside to puke, she sees something in the woods -- oh, man, it's a guy! Wearing a bag over his head! She runs back inside, jumps back in bed, and in the morning wakes up thinking it was just a dream. When she tells Matt about it, though, he snaps his fingers -- BAM! PERFECT! Let's write a horror movie about a group of people in a cabin in the woods being tormented by a creepy guy wearing a bag over his head! This idea promptly fizzles as well when the group can't stop pranking each other about it, pranks that get a whole lot less funny when it turns out Michelle wasn't dreaming. Suddenly, they ARE being tormented by a guy wearing a bag over his head, who has also cut the phone lines and disabled their car. Though there's sort of a twist at the end, it's one you'll see coming from a bazillion miles away. But it doesn't matter, because what makes this movie fun to watch is the characters and their interactions with each other, which are so well-crafted you start to feel like you're spying on actual people. It doesn't feel contrived at all; it feels improvised, like real conversations are, and that improvisation is done so well it feels completely authentic. I appreciated that. Also appreciated: Stubbly Unshaven Ross Partridge. And all his kissing scenes. Feed the Fish (2009). I just watched this one for the first time a week ago, and if I hadn't already been in love with Ross, this is the movie that would've made it happen. Sure, it's your typical "fish out of water" rom-com, no doubt about it; not a lot of originality at play here. But the things it does right are so, so right. It also made me laugh out loud more than once and is packed with characters so charming I felt kind of woozy the entire time it was on. It's about a Californian children's books author named Joe Peterson (Ross), who rocketed to fame with his first book, about a cat who gets tortured to death for breaking the rules ("Kids love violence!"), but has been suffering from terrible writer's block ever since. Frustrated with his lack of interest in ANYTHING anymore, his girlfriend dumps him, just as her brother, Joe's longtime buddy JP, gets to town. To cheer his friend up, JP invites Joe to spend the next several months with him in Northern Michigan. You see, JP's heading up to the family cabin in the frozen woods up there to "train" for this year's Polar Bear Plunge, a family tradition. Why doesn't Joe come along, help him train, and see if a change of scenery jump-starts his creativity? Of course, as soon as he gets there, Joe promptly meets a delightful girl (played by the lovely Katie Aselton of The Freebie, though she's not very good in this, I have to confess) and slowly begins to develop feelings for her. You can pretty much take the story from there, though maybe not the part about the badger, and while that might make you think this movie is worth skipping -- been there, seen this -- don't do it. Feed the Fish is incredibly sweet and entertaining, the cinematography and setting are gorgeous, and Ross Partridge is hilarious and adorable. ADORABLE. Plus: it's available for streaming at Netflix. How much easier could it be? You don't even have to put on pants for this one! The Freebie (2010) As I mentioned earlier, I saw this film at last year's Seattle International Film Festival (SIFF) and while I enjoyed many things about it, I found it kind of frustrating overall. You can go read my old review if you want to know why. The one thing I DIDN'T find frustrating about it (well, it was frustrating in a different way, nudge, wink, say no more), was Ross Partridge as the devilishly foxy barkeep Katie Aselton's character decides to have sex with on her night off from her marriage. Even though they end up nearly doin' it in the bar bathroom, which is a sex setting that always thoroughly bums me out for some reason, I have to confess if Ross Partridge were ever my bartender on MY night off from marriage, I'd consider that move myself, bummagery or not. It looked like a clean bathroom, besides. I could probably swing that move. Or maybe. . . could we just use my car? I know where it's been. Definitely worth a look, especially if you're a fan of Dax Shepard's character on Parenthood, because he's essentially the same guy here. I like that guy. S'awright. The Off Hours (2011) This lovely, lovely, lovely film, which was the highlight of SIFF for me this year, is about a young woman, Francine, who works the night shift at a truck stop diner in rural Washington state. Her life has become stagnant -- dead-end job, series of meaningless sexual encounters in bathrooms (see above, re: bummage), etc. -- until she meets Oliver (the DASHING Ross Partridge), who ultimately ends up inspiring her to take control of her life and move on to bigger and better things. There were so many things I liked about this gorgeous, good-hearted film I can't even begin listing them all here -- check out my original review for details. But this was the film that finally made me get hot on putting Ross up on the site. His acting in this one is intensely powerful and moving, loaded with depth and emotion. And MY GOD, IS HE EVER HANDSOME. He's going to be one of those guys who looks better and better as he ages and deeper crinkles set in at the corners of his eyes. Mark my words. Watch for this one to hit DVD in about six months to a year. It's a don't miss, people. Other things I've seen him in, but have absolutely no memory of seeing him in: The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997, he played "Curious Man"), Prom Night (2008, he played "Businessman"), and TV shows like Quantum Leap (!), CSI, Diagnosis Murder (with ex-Boyfriend Dick van Dyke, the lucky bastard!), Law & Order, and NYPD Blue. Oh yeah. And he was in the movie Kuffs. But I'm going to pretend that he wasn't. MOVING ALONG NOW. Up next for Ross are two more independent films. One is already making the film festival rounds, but I missed it when it was here in Seattle (Treatment -- see web site for it here). The other is a film called Low Fidelity, written and directed by Devon Gummersall, known better to most of us 30-somethings as Brian Krakow from My So-Called Life. I can't find any information about the plot of Low Fidelity, but I had a huge crush on Krakow -- sweet li'l underdog! -- so I'm game. Also up next for Ross Partridge: MASSIVE SUPER STARDOM. Remember when I featured Heath Ledger and nobody knew who he was except for fans of Roar? And then he turned into HEATH LEDGER? That was all me. Except for the part where his life ended in tragedy, of course. I had nothing to do with that. So, brace yourself, Mr. P. Your life is about to change forever. Just you wait.
Boyfriend-Related Links
I finished this novel almost a month ago, but every time I sat down to write about it, I struggled with what to say and then gave up. Something was bugging me about it and I couldn’t figure out quite what. After thinking it over a while, though, I’ve decided that while there were a lot of things I really liked about this historical novel, set in early 19th century Japan, overall, I found it lacking in both focus and connection. It’s about a hundred pages too long, though I couldn’t tell you just which pages to cut, but it’s also kind of distant somehow, reading at times more like a really detailed, brilliantly written history paper than a story the author felt truly compelled to tell me. A review of the novel in the New Yorker last year described it as lacking in “inner necessity,” which sums up my feelings about it perfectly. Without that emotional engagement from the author, I found it difficult to connect to the story or its players. That said, though, what kept me turning the pages of this book was both the story itself, which alternates between being fascinatingly informative about that era in Japan and reading like an impossible-to-put-down thriller, and the mind-blowingly brilliant writing. This is the first David Mitchell novel I’ve read and I was completely stunned by his talent for stringing words together into sentences, sentences into paragraphs, and paragraphs into worlds. Plus, not only is it marvelously written, but it’s also quite funny at times, a combination that reminded me a bit of Herman Melville, oddly enough. The writing style and structure are the perfect combination of beauty, wit, smarts, experiment, and reality, and though the characters sometimes struck me as slightly off (Jacob, for example, sure has a very modern perspective on the role of women in society for a dude living in 1799), the writing plays well with the cast overall, using uniquely crafted dialects to draw uniquely crafted people. The story essentially breaks down into three parts. The first introduces us to our two main characters, a young Dutch trader named Jacob de Zoet, and a Japanese midwife, Orito Aibagawa, the first female medical student in Japan. The year is 1799, and Jacob has just arrived in Dejima, a man-made island off the coast of Nagasaki created to serve as the only trading post open to the West in the otherwise-completely-isolationist Japan. Jacob’s an employee of the Dutch East Indian Company, hired to audit its books and root out corruption, a task soon complicated by his discovery that pretty much everyone working in Dejima, his boss included, is stealing from the company. Jacob’s determination to stop the theft results in his rapidly becoming about as isolated and ally-free as Japan is itself, until he meets Orito, whose talent as a midwife led Dejima’s doctor, a Westerner, to recruit her into his new medical college (a defiance of local customs regarding women’s roles in society made possible by her status as the daughter of a local samurai). At first, Jacob is mostly mesmerized by the enormous burn scar covering half her face, but after talking to her a few times, he falls head-over-heels — a love he knows can never go anywhere because of her high station. The second part of the novel kicks off when Orito’s father dies, leaving behind a ton of debt, and, to pay it back, Orito is sold to a local nunnery. At first, she kind of takes it all in stride, until she discovers that the nuns there, all also disfigured in some way, are forced to serve as sex slaves to the local monks, their babies then sacrificed and killed instead of sent away to good families, as the women are promised. Horrified and desperate to escape before it’s her turn to spend a night with a monk, Orito begins planning her escape, even as she finds herself torn by her calling as a midwife to stay (a lot of nuns having babies without help there, after all). While she plots on her end, back in Dejima, Jacob has joined forces with another of Orito’s suitors, a Japanese man named Uzaemon, to try to come up with their own plan to bust her out. This section culminates in a thrilling prison break of sorts that kept me turning pages way past my bed time — always a plus in any novel. The final section of the novel gives us a much more subdued account about what happens to both Jacob and Uzaemon after Orito’s escape attempt, as well as the impact on Dejima and Japan in general when a British war ship parks itself in Nagasaki’s harbor. Overall, I enjoyed this novel, and I can’t praise the actual wordsmithing highly enough. Seriously great. But I didn’t connect to it emotionally at all, and that makes it hard to recommend. That distance I mentioned earlier kept me from truly engaging with the characters and their various plights. It’s a creative, original story written beautifully, yet I was ready to see it end when it did. That ain’t no good. I definitely want to try more of Mitchell’s work in the future, having since read that he’s written a lot of more “experimental” fiction, but it’ll probably be a while before I pick anything up. If you’ve read any of his other novels and really enjoyed them, let me know which ones in the comments? [FICTION] Browse More Book Reviews | Search the Book Reviews
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(7/15)
The Thousand Autumns of Jacob de Zoet by David Mitchell (2010).
